An Endless Amount of Possibilities
by BigBlkDog
Summary: Takes place in season 2, and picks up towards the end of "Sucker Punch".  What if 2 shots went off in the precinct that evening?  What would change between our favorite couple, and how will they help each other get over it?  Suck at summaries sorry folks.
1. Chapter 1

An Endless Amount of Possibilities

**A/N: **Hey guys! So this is my first Castle fic, it takes place during season 2 and starts off right at the end of "Sucker Punch" and then we branch off and go off cannon from there. There is dialogue from the end of that episode, but I have tweaked things to fit my needs at the beginning slightly (hey its fiction.) Let me know what you think. I'm trying to get through some writers block on a Doctor Who story I'm working on and this plot bunny cropped in there and it wanted out! Enjoy!

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><p><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I do not own Castle in any way shape or form! This is strictly for fun. There is dialogue taken directly out of that episode and that belong to Andrew Marlowe and Will Beall, but the rest is mine!

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

Kate leaned against the table next to the coffee machine, arms crossed, staring off into space letting everything crash over her in waves. They were so close, close enough to spook her mother's killer, and now with a nice payday from Castle she was fairly sure that they wouldn't see the assassin for a long time. It was all too good to be true, now they were back at square one, with even more questions to answer.

"I let her down." Her voice came out harsh, and the intensity of it startled her. She wasn't really sure why she spoke out loud, but over the past year her and Castle had come to make a pretty good team. It was easy for them to bounce ideas off of each other, even Castle's crazy theory's turned out to have a grain of truth to them every so often, and that is exactly what she needed right now.

Castle, who had been leaning on the opposite side of the table, placed his cup down and walked to stand in front of her. He took a moment to take her in, trying to figure out how to proceed with Beckett. Stress oozed from her body, and his normal tricks wouldn't work. How was he supposed to help her when the last time he dug up her mother's case he was kicked off the team? Whatever happened from here on out he would be there for her, if she would let him, he just had to figure out a way to get through to her now. Castle placed his hands on her shoulders, giving her a comforting squeeze, trying to get her to focus on him.

"No you didn't." He told her sincerely. There was no way that he was going to let her start building walls back between them.

Kate could see the sorrow in his baby blues, when she looked up from her spot on the floor after his voice pulled her out of her thoughts. She eased her way out of his comforting hold and paced back and forth across the break room, getting more frustrated with every lap.

"Rathborne is in the wind, Dick Coonan is about to walk." She paused and let out an exasperated sigh. "I missed something."

"Could have been me." Castle chimed in, not willing to let her think that this was all her fault. "Rathborne could have checked the routing number and realized the money was coming from my account, not Dick's." He suggested as he sat down in the uncomfortable couch that the break room provided. "I was being arrogant."

Kate fell into the couch next to him and placed a reassuring hand on his leg.

"I didn't think you were arrogant Castle; I thought what you did was sweet, and I will pay you back."

Castle turned his body slightly so that he could face her better, giving the opportunity to place his arm around the back of the couch, mere centimeters away from Beckett. It wasn't enough to actually touch her, or give her any reason to pull her gun on him; it was more to give her a reassuring presence, and a chance to lean on him for support if she needed it.

"Negative Ghost Rider. It was a small price to pay for a shot at your mother's killer."

Kate shook her head and took a look at the man sitting next to her, concern was written clearly all over his features. Castle was an anomaly, one minute he is nine and she could barely keep up with him, the next time she turned around he is the perfect gentleman that anticipates her every needs. Hell, he even just kissed a hundred grand goodbye with out hesitation, and it was all for her. It took her a little while, but she found out that the Castle onion had a few more layers to it than she originally assumed.

Castle watched her try to work things out, and sucked in his breath a little faster, surprised when Kate decided to rest her head on his arm that he had resting behind her. It was hard for him to not do anything more, without knowing exactly what their relationship was to her. To him it was an open book, and he caught himself writing a more romantic ending more often than not. She leaned her head back with her eyes closed, and her hand was still resting on his thigh, just a tad higher than she would have normally placed it, if she had touched him at all.

As if his thoughts startled her back to the present, Beckett's eyes fluttered open and locked on his giving him a glare.

"You're being creepy again Castle." She joked, too comfortable to move from her position next to Castle. When she focused on his eyes again she took in the deeper shade of blue that they had turned; and why was it suddenly so hot in here?

"What is it Castle?" She asked concerned that he seemed to be stuck on something.

"It's nothing." He told her shrugging it off, because all he could thing about was telling Kate how beautiful she looked right now, even after the long shift, the case that hit close to home, he was overcome with the need to scoop her up in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. "It's really nothing Beckett, I was just thinking how close I thought we were to catching her killer." He told her to get her eyes from reading too far into anything.

Kate nodded her understanding and leaned forward, and Castle was suddenly cold from the loss of contact. She sat there hunched over with her hands resting on her knees with her gaze on the floor, and they had just switched back into reality.

Castle was about to rest his hand on her back, unsure what to do in this situation, when Kate surprised him by jumping off of the couch and turning around to stare at him trying to work something out.

"Her killer." She said slowly giving him a puzzling look.

He sat there a little dumfounded for a moment, letting his arm drop to his side after having decided that it felt empty without her there.

"What?" Castle asked her clearly not following where her thought trail was going.

Everything was beginning to make sense now. Oh he was good, Kate thought to herself, but not quite smart enough.

"Coonan said it was a hundred grand to catch her killer." She explained to her partner, putting an emphasis on the 'her killer' part, and could almost see the wheels turning as he thought back to the interrogation room.

"You never told him it was your mother that was murdered!" He realized out loud as he jumped up from his spot on the couch.

They gave each other one of their looks that did all of the talking, and they tore out of the break room, Beckett leading the two of them determination in every step. They had Rathborne here the whole time, and they had almost let him get away.

Once they got to the holding room, Beckett interrupted Coonan as he was grabbing his jacket from one of the officers.

"There was no Rathborne." Beckett bit out coming to a stop in front of him. "It was you." She got out, hate dripping from her voice with every word.

Coonan turned to give the duo his full attention, and gave them a sly smile as he grabbed his jacket from the officer.

"Clever girl." He congratulated her.

Soon he was a blur of movement and before Kate could process everything that Coonan was doing, he had knocked the officer unconscious, and had Castle in his grip with a gun to his back. Beckett quickly un-holstered her gun and pointed it at Coonan trying to not look at Castle knowing that if they made eye contact things would become more difficult.

"Ah, ah, ah." Coonan mocked her, digging the gun into Castle's back. "Now here is what's going to happen. We are just going to stroll on over to the elevator together, nice and easy."

"That's not going to happen." Kate told him determined not to let her mother's killer escape.

Coonan's expression on his face turned into one to mirror the killer that he was

"You make a sound, you attempt to signal, you so much as clear your throat and I'll put a round in this man's liver and he will die slowly and in considerable pain." To prove his point he pushed the barrel of the gun even harder into Castle's back, which her partner tried his best to conceal the pain it caused.

Beckett was at a loss, and she needed her partner to come in and rescue with some type of unorthodox way. When she finally realized what she was thinking she placed her gun back in its holster at her side. She was the cop, Castle wasn't, and she needed to be thinking about his family that he had waiting for him to come home tonight.

"Let's go." Coonan ordered, hiding his gun under his jacket as he led them out the bullpen, trying to act as casual as possible on their trip to the elevator. "What? No pithy remarks from the peanut gallery?" He whispered sarcastically to his two hostages. "Not so funny facing your own death is it?"

"I don't know, _Dick_?" Castle started with a heavy emphasis on his first name.

Beckett, who was walking next to them rather uncomfortably, hoping that everyone would be too busy to notice what was going on, but she was glad that even with a gun to his back Castle could be somewhat normal.

Castle continued his rant attempting to walk slower to give them more time to come up with a plan.

"You tell me. Last time I checked this place was a police station." He pointed out to the hit man.

He was trying to put up a brave front because he wasn't going to give this bastard the pleasure of knowing how terrified he was, and he wasn't even terrified for himself, which was the funny thing; he was more scared for Kate, and her finally getting so close to actually getting some answers, only to have them blow away from her, like a plastic bag in the wind. He wasn't going to let this opportunity slip passed them if he could help it.

Beckett continued to look straight ahead at the elevator, not daring to glance at anyone for fear that he would follow through on his threat, which she had no doubt that he would if he thought that she was trying to signal someone. So she continued on with her head held high, and her mouth making a tight straight line, but one question was nagging at the back of her mind that she had to ask.

"You knew before I arrested you, didn't you?" She questioned him curious, and out of her peripheral vision she was keeping an eye on her coworkers to make sure that no one was paying them any attention. "You knew my mom was your victim." It wasn't a question; it was more of a fact.

"It wasn't personal, okay?" She was just another job." He told her as if that was supposed to make her feel better.

"She was my mother." She spat out trying to hold herself together. She needed answers, and she needed them now because time was running out. "Who hired you to kill her?"

"Forget it, you'll never touch him, he'll bury you." He warned her.

"Tell me who." She demanded the answer from him.

They came to a stop when the Captain blocked their exit, with his gun trained on Coonan.

"No, no, no, sir. I need him alive." Beckett tried to explain.

"That's right, you do need me." Coonan all but rubbed that fact in her face. "Now back him off or Castle dies." He threatened.

"Sir, back off. Please." She pleaded to her superior.

He gave his protégé an apologetic look.

"You know I can't do that."

Coonan turned angrily to Beckett.

"Hey, you want to learn who ordered the hit on your mommy, you had better make sure I make it out of here."

Beckett met Castle's eyes, and saw the sorrow in them; she saw the determination as he slightly shook his head not to let him get away. He didn't even look concerned for his own life; he just wanted to take Coonan down. Kate couldn't risk his life like that though. She would never forgive herself if something happened to him and he was taken away from Alexis like that.

She was torn, if they let him go she supposed they could always have a chance at catching him again, until she had a hit ordered out on her. If he died however, she may never get a chance to find out who ordered her mother's hit.

"Roy, please." She pleaded.

Captain Montgomery weighed his options, and even though he knew he had the shot he lowered his weapon.

"That's right, Roy, nice and easy, nice and easy." He instructed him. "Now you guys are going to let me and Mr. Castle continue our little trip to the elevator.

Once they began to walk again Castle gave a sad glance back at Beckett as they passed her, one that she recognized that usually meant he was about to do something very stupid, but before she had a chance to tell him to back off, Castle came to a complete stop, making Coonan halt behind him, and with all of the force he could muster, leaned forward, and then snapped his bad back and connected the back of his skull with Coonan's nose.

Coonan was disoriented for a second as he stumbled back and landed on the ground, on hand covering his bloody nose. The other hand, however, was able to reach out and grab his dropped weapon and took aim at Castle.

Beckett was fast though. Her gun was in her hand and in a flash had fired at Coonan, getting a clean shot to his chest. She was even startled for a second at how loud the gun actually sounded inside of the building.

She glanced over at Castle to make sure that he was okay, and let out a sigh of relief when other than he looked terrified he was fine.

Castle nodded at her, his right hand over his heart felt it beating faster than he had ever thought possible.

"I'm fine." He panted out as he held his left arm up to stop her from coming over.

Kate ran to Coonan and began to try to perform CPR to revive him. She needed to know who ordered the hit, and he was her last hope.

Castle watched on sadly as his friend and partner tried to bring the criminal back to life.

He began to feel something wet on his hand that was still over his heart and lifted it to wipe it off, but was startled to find blood on his palm, and not just a little bit either, his had was drenched in blood.

His blood.

He was bleeding? Coonan got off a round the same time Beckett did, the only thing to explain it.

He took a step forward to call for help when he faltered. He pressed his hand back to his would to try and stop the bleeding. There was a pounding in his head that dulled out the sounds around him, and made it so that he couldn't talk. The room was starting to spin a little and he started to fall backwards when he felt something stop him. Looking around he saw Ryan and Esposito swimming in his vision with very concerned faces.

"Hey bro, you okay? Talk to us what's going on" Esposito asked him, as he and Ryan were able to back him up to a wall so that they could assess the situation

Captain Montgomery came to rest a hand on Kate's shoulder, signaling that it was time to stop her efforts.

She rocked back on her heels and wiped a strand of hair out of her face with the back of her hand. Coonan was gone, and now they may never know what happened to her mother.

"It's okay Beckett. You did the right thing." The Captain told her sensing her distraught thoughts. He helped her to her feet and handed her his handkerchief to wipe the blood off of her hands. "Don't give up. We know more now than we did before. Maybe it is just the little bit we need to crack this thing wide open." He reassured her.

"I hope so." She replied. She turned and expected to see Castle at her side, but when he wasn't she looked around, and was surprised to see Ryan and Esposito almost supporting him against the wall.

"Castle?" She questioned, not sure what was going on, but the concern rang clear in her voice.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he slid down the wall leaving a large trail of blood on his way down to the floor.

Her mind wasn't registering what was happening as she gaped at the scene unfolding before her.

"Someone call an ambulance!" Esposito yelled while Ryan was applying pressure to Castle's wound. "Two shots were fired Beckett. Coonan was able to get a round out too fast." Esposito explained apologetically.

She ran over to him and grabbed his hand, squeezing when she was able to sit down next to his body on the floor. She looked on helplessly as her friend battled for his life until the paramedics could get there.

"Hey Castle stay with me." She told him gently, trying not to get teary eyed, knowing that she needed to be strong for him.

He gave a pained nod, which caused him to cough up a small amount of blood.

Esposito and Ryan gave a nervous glance to Beckett when she grabbed hold of his arm and got closer to him.

"You are such an idiot Rick." She scolded him and started stroking his hair back. The tears began to roll down her cheek when Castle's grip started to loosen. "Castle stay with me." She pleaded with him as she moved to place his head in her lap.

"Kate." He started trying to control his voice through the pain. "I'm sorry-"

"Rick stop." She cut him off. "It isn't your fault. I appreciate what you tried to do." Kate told him sincerely. "Hey, you have to stay awake until the paramedics get here." She reminded him nudging him back awake. She knew he had lost a lot of blood. Ryan had even used his jacket to apply pressure to the wound, and the blood had almost soaked through that.

The elevator finally dinged and a team of paramedics came rushing out with a stretcher towards them.

Kate watched as the medical experts assessed the situation before removing him from her embrace on the stretcher.

Beckett started to follow the stretcher as they rushed him towards the elevator, and once they got him in there, there was no more room for her, so she watched on as the doors closed the slowest they had ever closed before.

"I love you." He whispered to her before the doors closed and he simultaneously lost consciousness.

She stood there frozen in place, covered in Castle's blood, and she had never felt more helpless before in her life. She also never knew that the man-child known as Richard Castle could be reduced to nothing. It was hard to believe that her partner could die; it was hard to picture her life without him now. What was even harder to comprehend was how her heart felt like it was being ripped out of her chest by those three little words.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She watched the elevator close behind the paramedics, as they rushed Castle to the hospital. She was in shock, everything had happened so fast. Between Coonan's dead body and the spot where Castle was shot, there was blood everywhere. She looked down and saw that she was covered in blood as well and it made her sick.

She ran to the nearest trashcan and began to throw up what little she had eaten that day. When she was done she felt so embarrassed. Here she was a homicide detective, and a little blood made her want to vomit. But it wasn't just any blood; it was Castle's blood. Esposito and Ryan came to either side of her to make sure that she was okay, giving her a reassuring nod or squeeze of her shoulder. They were in no way judgmental, and for that she was thankful.

They had already called Lanie for her, and they started escorting her to the locker room where her friend was waiting. She felt like a zombie as they escorted her down, no dialogue necessary. The only thing that kept replaying over and over again was Castle's last words, and she couldn't stop thinking about how she failed him. That if she could have been just a little faster on the draw she could have gotten to Coonan first. Maybe if she could have just put it all together a little sooner, they could have avoided this all together.

"I got it from here boys." She heard Lanie tell them. She hadn't even realized that they were here already.

She started to follow Lanie into the locker room, but stopped to turn around to get the boys attention.

"Wait." She started, but paused at the sound of her raspy voice. It was almost like getting her tonsils out all over again. "Um, Alexis and Martha." She mentioned quietly.

"Don't worry about it, we are on it. We'll meet you at the hospital." Esposito told her as he and Ryan were walking back to the elevator.

Lanie continued to lead her into the locker room and placed her in front of the shower, silencing her as soon as she opened up here mouth.

"Don't argue with me. You are going to feel a lot better. I know you, and I know that once we get to the hospital you won't leave Castle's side. I'm also sure it will be the closest thing you will have had to a vacation in a couple of years. And that means I'm not going to have you going in there looking like something that survived the zombie apocalypse." Lanie told her seriously, pointing to the shower in front of them.

Kate just did as she was told, and Lanie had disappeared somewhere behind her, probably to go get a change of clothes out of her locker. She began to take her bloodied clothes off and stepped into the shower. She let the scalding water wash away the blood and grime of everything. She felt like she could breakdown any minute. She hadn't been able to protect her partner, and it was a crushing blow. How much worse could it get? What if he never trusted her again? What if he decided once this was over he had enough of the life at the 12th? Surely he had enough information to write twenty Nikki Heat books by now. What was keeping him here anyway? _I love you_, echoed through her thoughts, and she had to fight a new wave of tears. She had to be strong. As soon as she left here she was going to have to been strong for Alexis and Martha. Strong for Castle as well if he will let her. It would do no one any good to see her like this.

"Come on prune lady, if you want to beat the guys to the hospital you better get out of that shower sometime today." Lanie's voice loudly echoed to her. It gave her a small reassuring feeling to know that while she had to be strong for the Castle family, she had someone that would be strong for her.

She shut the water off, and grabbed the towel that was waiting for her to dry herself off before she changed into some clothes that Lanie had left out for her. Feeling a little more like her self, she was glad Lanie made her take a shower. Once she had dressed she met Lanie in the hall who handed her a cup of coffee and her purse.

"Thank you." She told her best friend before she took a sip of the hot beverage.

"Yeah, don't mention it. Now come on, we have got to go. I have a friend at the hospital Castle is at. He told me that he went into emergency surgery the minute they got there, he didn't have any specifics yet beyond that, but he said that a nurse would be able to tell us a little more once we got there, but we would have to wait until he was out to talk to a doctor." Lanie told her as they hurried out the stations doors.

"What about his family?"

Lanie waved her phone at her in one hand. "Just got a text from Javier, they just got to Alexis's school and got the okay to pull her out, and they will go get his mother from there."

Kate nodded as they got into Lanie's car. The ride was mostly silent, except for the radio softly playing in the background. Her frustration grew, as they seemed to hit every red light in the city. They should have taken her patrol car, she thought, but Kate knew that she wasn't in a good condition to drive. She needed this time to pull herself together. Lanie said that he was in emergency surgery, so he hadn't bled out on his way to the hospital, which was a good sign. Everything would be fine, she told herself. Everything had to fine, because he loved her.

A couple of minutes later, she was letting out a deep breath as they pulled into the hospital. Kate didn't even wait for the car to come to a complete stop before she exited, and ran towards the emergency room entrance, with Lanie at a slightly slower pace behind her.

After passing through the sliding doors, she opted for more of a brisk walk than the sprint she had just finished. Kate went up to the only open clerks to try and get information about her partner.

"I'm Detective Kate Beckett with the NYPD, and I need to know the condition of Richard Castle. I think he was brought here by ambulance about forty-five minutes ago."

"Can I see your badge?" The emergency room clerk asked her politely.

She dug through her purse and cursed under her breath when she realized her only form of identification was her driver's license.

"I must have left it at the precinct." She told her upset at more at herself.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but unless you are family, or have your badge I can't release information regarding the patient." The clerk told her apologetically.

Kate was about to start arguing with the clerk when Lanie held her back.

"I'll be right back sweetie." Lanie told her as she disappeared through the swinging emergency room doors leaving Kate a little confused.

She was gone for several minutes in the back. Kate wasn't sure why she didn't think of that but without her badge she didn't want people thinking that she was some sort of crazed fan.

That only reminded her of the press and how they would storm this place once they found out what happened to Castle. She sagged back in a chair and tried to think of who she should call, but his family should know that, and her department at the 12th would release a statement for them. When the doors swung open again she looked up to see Lanie coming towards her.

She stood up to greet her wringing her hands together with worry.

"How is he?"

"Well your boy is still in surgery and is finally stable." She smiled as Kate let out a small sigh of relief waiting for her to continue. "The friend I told you about is one of the nurses, so after I called he had been checking in on him. He said it was impressive. Apparently because of the angle he was shot at it wasn't a complete through and through. The bullet almost made it out, but got trapped in the shoulder blade. It also mangled the area close to the heart, and nicked on of his lungs causing it to collapse so that called in one of the best cardiac surgeons. Apparently the surgeon hadn't seen a gunshot wound quite like this one before, he is impressed." She had to admire it a little herself from the medical perspective.

"So is that it?" Kate asked worried. She knew that Lanie said that he was stable now, but the wound sounded terrible, despite the upbeat spin that her friend put on it.

"Not exactly. Like I said the bullet didn't go all the way through. The tricky part is the bullet got lodged in his shoulder blade, and is all tangled up in there with the muscles and tendons. Last my friend heard they were working on removing it without shattering the bone any more than it already is, which let me tell you isn't easy. But sounds like Castle has one of the better surgeons here so if my friend trusts him, he is in good hands."

Kate nodded a little shocked from the amount of damage that was done to him from such a small bullet.

"Hey." Lanie said gently, pulling her from her current line of thoughts. "It isn't your fault. Writer boy did something dumb, while it was admirable, it isn't your fault."

"Thanks." Came Kate's halfhearted reply.

She turned around at the sound of people running, one of which sounded like they were wearing heels.

"Detective Beckett!" Alexis had yelled when she finally found her, and the red head ran into her open arms.

"He's okay Alexis." Kate soothed the girl stroking her hair.

"Where is Richard?" Martha asked Kate.

"He is still in surgery, but they are hopefully almost done, and the doctor said that he is expecting him to come out of it fine." She reassured the worried family. "They do need you to fill out some information for him though. They wouldn't really release any information to me since I'm not family, and I left my badge at the precinct."

"Then how did you find out he was still in surgery?" Alexis pulled away from the Detective to ask her.

She glanced back at Lanie who just gave a little wave to the family.

"It's a doctor thing." She explained to them.

"Lets go get the paperwork." Kate told them leading them to the clerk that she spoke with earlier, who handed them the necessary forms, and they walked back to a group of chairs in the waiting area.

While Alexis and Martha were filling out his medical forms, the other two detectives came to get the scoop from their friends.

"How is he really?" Ryan asked them.

"He's gonna be fine guys." Lanie started to tell them. "It is bad, I'm not gonna lie, and he isn't gonna be playing cowboys and robbers with you anytime soon, but I think he should be fine."

"And how are you really?" Esposito asked Kate nudging her shoulder.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for having the freak out moment back at the precinct. It just shook me."

"Hey its all good. It shook us up too. No one realized what happened until it was too late." Ryan agreed with her.

The four of them nodded, and then went to go sit down with the Castle family. A couple of minutes later Martha went to go return the paperwork and spoke with the clerk for a couple of minutes before rejoining the group.

"She didn't have any more information than what you already told us." Martha told the officers. "And since it looks like we will be waiting for a little bit, does someone want to tell me how the hell this happened?" She asked trying to keep her emotions in check.

Kate nodded at Martha, understanding why the mother was so upset. She began to tell them a little bit about the case, and a little bit about her mothers as well. It was several minutes later when she got to how they thought they lost Rathborne; only to find out they had him all along. She paused for a second before she continuing to tell the family, how she lost control of the situation, and allowed Castle to be captured by the hit man in the first place, and plowed right on through till the point she realized that he had been shot. She was proud that her eyes had only got a little misty, during the retelling.

Martha and Alexis were another story. They had broken down the moment she told them he was shot, and she was so wrapped up in everything she didn't hear his gun go off.

"I am so sorry. This is all my fault." She told them apologetically.

Martha scoffed and waved her off.

"Non sense darling. He signed up for this. Richard knew exactly what he was getting into."

"Of course its not your fault!" Alexis jumped in. "Gram is right. Honestly I'm more surprised this hasn't happened all ready. Not that it still isn't terrifying when two detectives come pick you up from school."

"I'm sorry about that, I just needed to get you guys here, and it was the quickest way."

Alexis just wiped the tears out of her eyes, she was just happy that the doctors seemed to be hopeful about her father.

There was an awkward silence that was occasionally broken by a laugh from Esposito, Ryan or Lanie. The other three just sat there, heads going to the door every time the emergency room doors opened.

After another half an hour Lanie offered to go get coffee for whoever wanted some, and with everyone raising their hands, Kate offered to go with her. They walked in companionable silence for a couple of minutes while they tried to find a coffee cart or cafeteria before Kate broke the silence.

"Hey Lanie." Kate started unsure of how to continue, and got even more bashful when they finally reached a coffee cart. They placed orders for everyone before they went to a table to wait.

"What's up?"

"Never mind." Kate brushed her off, now having lost her nerve.

"Girl, you better spill. You have that look on your face like you have something really important to say, but you are going to bottle it up before it becomes too much, and then you will blow up. And you will blow up at me, might I add. So in all fairness, lets just get it out in the open now before you explode."

Kate gave a small laugh and shook her head at her best friend. Lanie really did know her too well.

"Fine." She conceded. "But this stays between us." She told her pointing back and forth between the both of them.

Lanie just raised her hands and used one to zip her lips.

"When the paramedics where taking him away right before he lost consciousness, he kinda told me he loved me." She told her getting quieter as she reached the end of her statement.

Lanie just smiled at her, which made Kate a little irritated.

"What?" She asked her annoyed.

She unzipped her lips before she started talking, which only made Kate roll her eyes.

"Are you really surprised? Because I'm not." She told Kate very matter of factly.

The barista came over with six to go cups full of coffee and sat them on the table.

"Here you go ladies."

"Thank you." Kate told him, glad for the distraction. She grabbed a tray and began to walk back to the ER waiting room.

"This isn't over girl." Lanie told her willing to drop the subject for now. She was impressed that Kate even told her that little piece of information, which meant one of two things. She was either still in shock over the whole ordeal, or she was finally coming to terms with her own feeling with the author. Or a little bit of both.

After passing coffee out to everyone waiting, Martha tried to tell everyone they didn't all have to wait with them, but everyone seemed fairly content with waiting until they knew for sure that their friend was going to come out of surgery okay.

It was still a little over two hours later before Alexis broke the quietness that had settled over the group

"What's taking so long?" Alexis asked frustrated, to no one in particular, but it was what everyone else had been wondering.

As if someone finally heard her a very weary looking doctor stepped out from behind the large doors.

"The family of Richard Castle?" He asked the waiting room.

All six of them jumped up and ran to the doctor.

"You are all family?" He asked a little skeptically.

"Yes they are." Martha assured him. "Now how is Richard?"

"Well first of all let me introduce myself. I am Dr. Josh Davidson; I did the surgery on Mr. Castle. Do you mind if we go in here to talk?" He asked gesturing to a private room off to the side.

They all filed into the small room and waited for Dr. Davidson to join them, before the questions started.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

They had all gathered in the small private room, the women taking the uncomfortable couch, while Ryan and Esposito stood off to the side and leaned against the wall.

"Is he okay doctor?" Alexis was the first to ask.

"When can we see him?" Martha immediately after.

"He came out of surgery just fine. I am very pleased with how well it went, given the circumstances. He is going to need five to seven days to recover at least before we can send him home, and its up to how well he heals before I agree to let him out of ICU." He told the family.

"What all did you end up doing?" Alexis asked him. Something about his tone set her on edge.

He turned to a wall and pulled down a diagram of the human body.

"The bullet went in at a bad angle. I am honestly impressed that it didn't do more damage." He began to draw a line with his finger to show the bullets trajectory as he continued the story. "It came in through here and clipped his lung and an artery that goes to the heart, then it continued to travel and tore through muscles and tendons before stopping about here." He pointed to the back corner of his shoulder. "This is where the bullet got lodged into the shoulder blade, which in turn made it crack. The one fault of the surgery is that it was impossible to dislodge the bullet without creating any more damage to the bone. After he recovers, he will need another surgery to repair that with someone more of an orthopedic back ground."

Alexis and Martha nodded their understanding through tears.

"Now as far as the shoulder goes if he can keep it in a sling until the next surgery, which it will most likely cause enough pain that shouldn't be a problem, and if that surgery is a success; then with the proper physical therapy, I think he should be able to get about 80 percent of his range of motion back, although it could take up to a year."

"When can we see him doctor?"

"He is still in recovery from surgery, and getting a blood transfusion finished. Just to warn you he will probably not regain consciousness for another twenty-four hours. Another thing is when you go to see him don't be alarmed. His chest and shoulder are in a sort of soft cast, he has a chest tube in for another forty-eight hours to give his lung some additional time to heal, and he is hooked up to oxygen and several other wires. I like to give the families a little bit of a heads up so they aren't so surprised when they go to visit."

"That doesn't answer my question doctor." Martha told him.

"Look, normally I'm not supposed to do this, but if you can pick just two or three of you, I can escort you to the recovery room for a couple of minutes, but that's it until he is out of recovery." He told them quietly.

Alexis and Martha jumped up from their seats and the doctor began to lead them back to where Castle was.

Before leaving the room Alexis stopped and turned back to give Kate a questioning look.

"Aren't you coming?" She asked the older woman.

"I'm not family-" She began to protest, but was cut off by Martha.

"Of course your family darling, now come on or else we are going to lose our guide."

Not needing to be told twice Kate got up and followed the family to the back.

The emergency room was fairly busy, with the usual broken leg here, stabbing over there, possible heart attack, and sprinkled with a couple of drunks. They walked through the curtained off areas, to some larger swinging doors. They noticed that the mood in here was much more somber. The lights didn't seem to be quite as bright and it was much quieter. The occasional nurse would walk by wheeling a patient passed them. It gave Kate goose bumps as they walked to the recovery ward. The group paused for a second while Dr. Davidson opened the doors and Beckett took a deep breath to prepare.

However, nothing that she could have done would have prepared her for what she saw. Even with the doctor's warning before hand. If it wasn't for the heart monitor going off on one of the many machines that Castle was currently hooked up to, she could have been fooled that he was dead.

Alexis ran over to her father, but was careful not to touch him, which Kate could tell was a challenge for the younger Castle. Martha stood next to the girl and wrapped her arm around her. Kate stood at the foot of the bed still shell shocked at all of the wires and tubes that were coming out of him. She wasn't sure how she let this happen. The whole scene replayed in her head over again and none of it made since. She just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. This wasn't the Richard Castle she knew. He didn't deserve this. He was supposed to be standing next to her, at the precinct, with some sort of half spun story to tell her, not laying here in the hospital.

Then it hit her. He could have died. Things were fuzzy before she got to the hospital, but the reality of the situation never really occurred to her until now. He really could have died, and something about that fact shook something deep inside of her.

"I'm sorry, but it is time for you guys to go now." The doctor's voice interrupted her thoughts.

She walked to the door, giving Alexis and Martha a couple of seconds to themselves, but those couple of seconds were crucial to even her, because that was when she decided that this was her second chance with Castle. A real second chance that she didn't intend to waste.

She waited at the door for each of his family to give him a gentle kiss to his head to say goodbye before they joined her and they all followed Dr. Davidson back out to the waiting room. Kate didn't even realize, until Martha came in between her and Alexis and wrapped her arms around them, that she was crying.

"He is going to be okay girls. Just you watch." She whispered to them, and they all simultaneously wiped the tears from their eyes.

Dr. Davidson stopped before they entered the waiting room again.

"Now that you have seen that he is okay, you can all do yourself a favor and go home. He isn't going to be awake for another day or so anyway." The doctor held his hands up to stop the three women who started to protest him at the same time. "The biggest thing you can do for him is to go get some rest now, because when you get back tomorrow that is when he will need you the most. Take advantage of this opportunity while you can." He suggested to them and then opened the door.

They walked to join the group and said goodbye to the doctor before he disappeared back behind the doors.

"Well I guess we should take the doctor's advice and go home. We can at least pack to stay in the hospital for a couple of days, and get some clothes and things for Richard when he wakes up." Martha said a little tiredly.

"I just feel bad leaving him." Alexis told her.

"The doctor is right." Kate agreed. "Sleeping around in a hospital isn't going to help your dad right now, and is not the most comfortable thing."

"We can give you guys a ride home." Ryan offered them, as his partner, and Lanie walked over to the family.

"Thank you, that would be lovely." Martha told the detectives.

Alexis came to give Kate another hug, which Kate returned.

"He's gonna be alright." She reminded the little Castle while she still had her in her arms.

"You just remember that too." Alexis told her before she went with her grandmother and the other detectives to go home for the evening.

"Ya know, that girl is pretty smart, and I find it hard to believe that she is really related to Castle." Lanie told her, hearing the exchange between the two.

Kate smiled at her friend.

"Yeah well if you ever get a chance to spend some quality time with her mom, you would see Castle in a whole other light."

"You want me to take you home?"

"Yeah, thanks. Do you want to maybe get some Chinese food too? I'm starving." Kate admitted.

The day, and the case finally catching up with her. She had to remind herself again, that there was nothing she could do for Castle now. He was out of the clear and she would see him in the morning. Kate took one more glance back at the ER doors before leaving with her friend for the evening.

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><p><strong>AN: **Hope you guys are interested in this. I will try and update tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N****:** Thank you everyone for your kind words, and alerts! It brings a smile to my face.

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Kate and Lanie got back to Kate's apartment close to midnight, each with a bag of Chinese in their arms.

"Is wine okay?" Kate asked her friend tiredly as they deposited their food down on the kitchen counter.

"That sounds great, I'll grab a couple of plates." Lanie offered, and went about the kitchen grabbing plates, and eating utensils.

Kate turned to the cabinet behind her to get a couple of glasses down, and grabbed an already open bottle of cabernet that she had, and began to pour the glasses. As she began to pour the second glass though, she realized that Castle was the last one to share this bottle with her. Beckett's hands began to shake at the memory of her friend at a happier time, and the bottle slipped to the floor from her grasp.

The large crash of the wine bottle startled Lanie from her position in the living room, and she rushed to her friend's side.

"Kate, oh my God, are you okay?"

Kate stood there, and tried to talk, but an over flow of tears replaced the words that tried to come. She all but collapsed to the floor, into the puddle of red wine, and glass shards. What was happening to her? All she could hear was the echo of the gunshot that almost took Castle's life. All she could see was Rick's blood surrounding her, as the life poured out of him, much like how the wine poured out of the bottle to the glass. It was her fault for not figuring out who Coonan was before hand. It was her fault not shooting him sooner. Just a fraction of a second was all it would have taken to stop him. What good was she if she couldn't even protect her own partner?

"Kate!"

Kate tried to focus on her friend through her tears. She was able to feel Lanie's hands on her shoulders trying to shake her out of her melt down.

"Hey are you with me?" Lanie asked her. She had never seen Kate like this before, and she was scared for her friend.

Kate shook her head trying to take in deep breaths to calm herself down. Her entire body still shook with fear. She could barely see, barely breath, and it felt like the walls of her already small kitchen were closing in on her.

"If I just would have shot that bastard sooner." Kate tried to start, but it was hard to understand her through the ragged breathing, and tears.

Lanie shook her head. "Don't you start with that Kate Beckett, you did what you could." Her best friend tried to tell her, hoping that her words would get through.

"I hesitated Lanie. I got so wrapped up in my mom's case again that I was going to do whatever it took to find out who was behind it. And he is going to blame me for that!"

"Who is going to blame you sweetie?" Lanie asked confused.

"Castle!" Kate cried, and she fisted her hands together, the wet small pieces of glass grinding into the palm of her hand helped her focus on something other than her panic attack.

"Do you really think that man could hate you?" Lanie asked her seriously. "He is the one that wanted to dig your mothers case back up. He pushed you hunny. Not the other way around. And on the verge of death he still tells you how he feels." She paused taking a second to look her friend in the eye. "If that isn't romantic I don't know what is." She ended with. It wasn't really an attempt to lighten the mood, so much as to get her friend to face the facts.

Kate rolled her eyes at her best friend, and swiped some of the tears off of her face with the back of her hand. She was finally able to slow the tears and get her breathing under control again, but her voice was still shaky.

"Lanie, there was just so much blood. It was just everywhere." She told her and turned her palms up to stare at them, her mind's eye flashing back, and replacing the wine with blood.

"I know."

"Besides, because of the blood loss his comment, we'll call it, was probably meant for Esposito." She tried to joke about Castle's revealing of his feelings towards her. Part of her hoped that it was meant for her, but the other part of her hoped that he really did mean that towards Esposito because she wasn't sure that she could deal with that knowledge quite yet.

"Mmmhmmm." Lanie got out with a smirk and then stood up, and held her hands out to her friend.

Kate grabbed on and let her get pulled up by her friend.

"I'm sorry Lanie. You didn't need to see this." She told her friend upset in herself for breaking down like this.

"Hey that's what I am here for." Lanie told her bringing Kate into a hug. "Now the whole night isn't ruined. We each still have a glass of wine, and there is some food we need to eat before it gets too cold. Why don't you go get cleaned up, and I will clean up in here?" She offered.

Kate began to argue, not wanting her friend to clean up her mess, but Lanie held her hands up to stop her.

"I wasn't asking, I was telling." Lanie told her serious, and pointed for Kate to go back towards her bedroom, and bathroom.

Kate smiled, and murmured a thank you to her friend as she walked past to go change.

She heard Lanie begin to clean up the broken glass off of the floor, as she turned into the bathroom to clean the glass out of her hands. She stopped in front of the sink, and turned the warm water on, and began to gently remove the small pieces, thankful that she didn't cut her hands up too bad. As she finished up with her hands she took a moment to taken in her appearance in the mirror. Her mascara had run all down her cheeks, and her eyes were red and puffy from crying, with large dark circles underneath them. Once she was satisfied with her hands she grabbed a washcloth, and placed it under the warm running water of the sink, and once she added a little soap to it began to vigorously scrub her face until it was red and raw looking.

She exited the bathroom, and went next door to her room depositing her dirty wine stained clothes in the hamper, as she passed it to her closet. Kate grabbed a pair of black yoga pants, and a gray and white oversized NYPD t-shirt from her closet and quickly got changed. She removed all of her jewelry, and sank down onto her bed for a moment when she heard the sink turn on in her kitchen. Not ready to deal with the feelings, she fell back down on her bed with her feet still dangling over the edge. Once she went back out there she would have to talk, and she wasn't ready to talk. What she needed to do was get herself back under control. She needed to compartmentalize these feelings to avoid another panic attack. But when she closed her eyes all she could see were her mother, and Castle's lifeless eyes staring back at her.

She had failed them.

Kate took a deep breath and slammed her eyes shut harder, which spilled fresh tears down her cheek. How could she not have protected him? She almost caused Alexis to become fatherless. That little girl was Castle's whole world, and she had so much more to do that Castle would have missed out on. Would have, her mind finally reminded her, would have.

She fisted her bed sheets, and sat up straight in bed. When she opened her eyes she felt something click inside of her. Greif was no longer the prime emotion. Kate Beckett was now engulfed in a new feeling.

Rage.

You could have called it determination, but that only fueled the fire that was inside of her. Coonan took her mother, and almost took her partner. She would find who was controlling the puppet strings, and bring them down. This game ended now.

She stood up, and looked at herself in the mirror, giving her reflection a little nod as she straightened herself up before going back out to see Lanie. Beckett took a deep breath, and opened her bedroom door and headed out to the living room of her small apartment confident that she finally had herself under control.

"You know Lanie, you don't have to stay." Kate offered to her.

Lanie simply glared at her friend as she walked over to the coffee table that was in front of the couch with two plates of Chinese food that she had just taken out of the microwave.

"I know that I don't have to, but I am so you just need to accept that."

Kate let a small sliver of a smile slip at her friends comment, and nodded as she made her way over to the couch to sit down. Once the delicious aroma of the food in front of her hit her nostrils, her stomach growled loud enough that Lanie could hear it when she was making her way back with the wine glasses.

The two women ate in silence for several minutes, both starving from lack of anything to eat almost all day. At first Kate found it hard to drink the wine that Lanie had brought over to her because it only reminded her of her panic attack, but after a couple of long sips she found herself able to relax a little bit more.

Kate's thoughts turned once again to the man lying in the hospital room right now. And while Castle may not currently be fighting for his life, that's all she could picture was him hooked up to all of those machines alone.

"Don't worry, your boy is going to be fine." Lanie reassured her friend, sensing that her thoughts had taken another turn.

"He is not my boy." Kate corrected her, but Lanie just stared back at her friend with a raised eyebrow, and a look that told her she knew better. "And even though the doctors have told us he is going to be fine, I'm still not able to accept it. All I can picture is him completely helpless sliding down that wall in the precinct, or all alone in the hospital." She told her openly.

"You know what will help? Drink your wine faster." Lanie joked and took a sip from her own glass. "I can't imagine how that must have been. Javier told me everything happened so fast; they didn't even realize he was shot until they got over to him. By the time they got to Castle he was just standing there shaking. They were just able to help him down, before he started to fall to the ground."

Kate shook her head as she lived through everything in her mind again. "If I wasn't so wrapped up in Coonan, I-"

"Kate, don't go down that road. There is nothing you could have done. The important part that you have to remember is that Castle is going to be okay."

Kate nodded at her friend, thankful for her advice.

"Thanks Lanie. I'm glad you are here." She told her honestly. She hadn't realized how much she missed her friend.

"Yeah I am too."

The two stayed on the couch and talked for a couple of more hours about anything but what happened today, both needing something else to focus on, even if it was for just a moment. Close to four in the morning they each finally fell asleep on Kate's couch after the conversation lagged for a couple of minutes.

However, as hard as they tried to not talk about him, the second Kate drifted off, her partner was all she could dream about.


End file.
